the first time i shit my pants at a bar i was at james joyce, i supposethats a fitting place to shit your pants as most of the patrons seem like they shit their pants also.
it was one of those nights i wasnt going to go out as i felt like hell. i had a fever the runs the whole bit, the flue bug had me by the balls. then there was this black root blond. she was a four dollar bottle of champagne away fom an afternoon fuck on any day of the week. i had been letter humping kelly on my blackberry for months. that evening i found her tequila shot phone call vibrating around my ankle while i was draining cold sweat and warm belly into the porcelain god. any decent person would have ignored the easy sex but i am scum as the rest so i downed some cherry tussin and hit the town. we started with buckets of irish whiskey at a brittish bar. we worked down a few shots of the devil at the kitty. on to the joyce dry humping on a bar stool over some water back gimlets. she got up dressed in her bleach blond drunk and took herself to the potty for a bullet bath. i had been holding my bubble guts for the last bit of the brutal conversation. i worked on easing the putrid gas into the putrid crowd of the J.J. instead i found myself sweaty and soiled on a stool in a irish bar. a what fitting hell for a brit.
as she was powdering her nose i was working on getting my leaky brittish ass a cab back to shower while some whore hunter takes my trophy doe for his mantle.

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